As I mentioned in my last post, now that Christmas is over, I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. Not only because the holidays are over, but because of our beautiful Christmas rainbow and the peaceful Christmas day that we were miraculously able to have in the midst of an achingly painful holiday season.
Usually we keep our Christmas decorations up for at least the first week of January (or beyond, since usually I want Christmas to last forever!), but I was really ready to take them down as soon as possible this year. I wanted to put everything away, clean the house, and start fresh. Momo, who loves climbing our Christmas tree, was not of the same mindset!
Now that it’s 2016, I have mixed emotions. My family has been through many difficult times this year and has experienced many losses. Some might say that they could not be happier that 2015 has come to an end. But, while 2015 was the saddest year of my life, it will also always be one of my happiest, because it was the year I got to meet my son – the only time I could ever be with him on this earth. I wish I could have frozen those days for eternity to have more time with him, but time goes on. I never want to forget 2015 – ever. It is incredibly sad to move into a brand new year without Luca. However, I remind myself that his spirit is always with me and every day I am one day closer to meeting him in Heaven.
Despite the pain we have been through, most of the time I am able to be optimistic for the future. I pray for peace, joy, health, and hope for our family. I pray that I can continue to work on my relationship with God and having faith that He will provide. That I can continue to find purpose in my life and with that heal my heart. That hopefully we can move closer to our families at the end of this year who we miss so much. That I can be gentle on myself when those waves of grief wash over me, and have faith that tomorrow will be a better day.
Wishing you all much joy and many blessings in 2016! ❤